The Bristal Assisted Living

Planning for the Future: Understanding Funeral Services and Preplanning

While much of elder care planning focuses on aging in place, an often-overlooked aspect is preparing for what comes next. In this episode of Eldercare on the Air, host Michael Amoruso welcomes funeral director William "Bill" Flukes to discuss the critical importance of preplanning funeral arrangements.

Bill shares insights from his decades of experience, highlighting the challenges families face when there’s no clear plan in place. From navigating differing opinions among siblings to understanding burial and cremation options, this conversation sheds light on how preplanning can ease emotional and financial burdens during a difficult time.

Tune in to learn how open communication and advanced planning can help ensure your wishes are honored and your loved ones are spared from making tough decisions under stress. Visit EldercareOnTheAir.com to access past episodes and resources.

Transcript

SPEAKER_05 0:00

You've lived well, you've worked hard to make your place in this world. Your dignity and security are earned and well deserved. Or maybe you have a loved one who needs you more than ever. Well, we can help you help them plan life better. Amaruso, Amaruso.

SPEAKER_04 0:27

Welcome to Eldercare on the Air, a weekly radio show with guests in the fields of eldercare, special needs, financial services, independent living, and yes, people just like you, where we will empower you to make sound choices when you're faced with an eldercare or special needs crisis. My name is Michael Amoruso, an elder law and special needs attorney with Amoruso& Amoruso in Rybrook, New York, which services clients in New York, Connecticut, and Massachusetts. You're at our new home, 107.1 The Peak. But I do encourage you to go onto our website, eldercareontheair.com. That's eldercareontheair.com. Click on the radio show tab you see. And just simply download the episode you'd like to listen to. You see, this show is designed to arm you with the knowledge and tools that you need to make sound choices to help you or a loved one age in place. If you have any questions or would like to hear topics on future episodes of Eldercare on the Air, please send us an email at info at eldercareontheair.com. That's info at eldercareontheair.com. You know, oftentimes, life changes on us. And sometimes those changes involve a change of environment, whether that be from a home to a condo to an apartment. You know, aging is very interesting. It has different effects on all of us. But I like to look at it as you have different options, options to enhance your quality of life. So today on this show, I want to introduce you to another assisted living program. It's called the Bristol Assisted Living. And I want you to understand a little bit about their community. So I brought onto the show Sloane Limoncelli, who's the regional director of sales at the Bristol Assisted Living. So Sloane, welcome to our show.

SPEAKER_02 2:43

Thank you, Michael. And I certainly appreciate the opportunity to speak with you and your fan base. So thank you.

SPEAKER_04 2:51

I'm sure they're gonna really enjoy this show quite a bit. So why don't we just jump right in and explain to the audience What is the Bristol Assisted Living? Where is it located? So give them a geographic sense.

SPEAKER_02 3:05

Absolutely. The Bristol Assisted Living is operated and managed by Ultimate Care Management Group. The Bristol, 305 West End, and Encore Senior Living are all part of our communities. The Bristol itself has been an operator in New York and New Jersey for over 20 years now. We currently operate 26 communities encompassing assisted living, independent living, and memory care.

SPEAKER_04 3:36

I did not realize it was that large.

SPEAKER_02 3:39

We are, and what's also really nice about it is that it's a family-owned business. So there's a real connection with our residents. You truly become part of an extended family when you're living at any of the Bristol properties.

SPEAKER_04 3:54

So if you're part of this extended family, I'm sure you have this personalized approach to caring for folks there at the Bristol.

SPEAKER_02 4:02

We do. Can you talk about that? Certainly. You know, today, Michael, assisted living, memory care living, independent living in communities has just evolved tremendously. And a personalized approach, which gives a resident an opportunity to be as independent as possible, but create... a personalized safety net if they were to have a change in health. They have that right outside their door. And customizing care, customizing cognitive connection, and customizing a true opportunity to not just live, but really enjoy life with customized programming and activities is what we're really aiming to deliver every day to every resident that lives with us.

SPEAKER_04 4:52

Now, as you know, the audience out there, they have a lot of options nowadays. There are many different assisted living facilities out there. And facilities is probably the wrong word to use here. It's home environments. So in your opinion, what separates the Bristol from all the others that are available?

SPEAKER_02 5:10

I'd say you really feel that family connection and that real buy-in to who's living with us. It's a reflection on the family at Bristol. I think what I've noticed with the company, Michael, is a tremendous dedication to really listening to what our residents and their families are looking for, not just with physical or medical care, which is a component of what we offer, but also really customizing programming, offering programs excursions to museums, inviting in authors for lectures and conversation. It's a fluid opportunity where we're continuously looking at, you know, gee, who's living here? And what did you used to do that you can't do anymore or haven't been able to do anymore that brings you back to life? You know, I think COVID really showed all of us what isolation is and loneliness can do to someone physically and cognitively. So a response to that with the Bristol is let's really make sure we're engaging with residents, we're offering activities that they want, that they've asked for. So our whole discovery process, our whole assessment process incorporates that as well. Tell me, what do you love to do? What did you used to do? Where did you go to school? Where did you grow up? How do you like to engage with people?

SPEAKER_04 6:45

Now, that's something that's very interesting to myself as well as the audience, I'm sure, is that bridge that you're starting to build between their community residence, their home of maybe 50 years, and the Bristol. So how does that dialogue begin that you just started?

SPEAKER_02 7:02

You know, certainly we recognize this can be a new chapter for someone. And there's definitely a lot of misconceptions out there about what assisted living really is. There's some negative connotations. Is it very hospital-like? Is it very skilled nursing-like? And there's certainly needs for both of those. But that's not what assisted living is today. It's evolved into an opportunity to really enjoy living. You are going to be cared for if you need a physical assistance. if you need medical assistance but even just as importantly the support around cognitive connection making friends with people that have similar backgrounds and interests to you not just doing any activity but taking an art class if that's really of interest yoga exercise programming so that you're physically staying fit even fine dining an opportunity to have restaurant-style dining, lots of choices, nutritional, well-balanced food, so you can stay healthy and engaged. And that's what we see. Residents, as they're living with us, are really responding to those and, in many cases, living their best lives.

SPEAKER_04 8:21

Sounds to me like you're kind of combining the care community and resort living here. So why don't you explain to the audience, you know, what they're giving up by leaving their home and what they're gaining by coming into the Bristol?

SPEAKER_02 8:38

Absolutely. I love that you use the word resort-like, and that is a good depiction. You know, I'll take you through a day where many of the residents moving in have been living by themselves in either They're very large homes. They've been in for a long time, feeling a little isolated and perhaps not doing all the things they used to do. Moving into a community like the Bristol allows you to get up in the morning in your own private apartment at whatever time you like to get up. And then you'll have a calendar of events that you can pick and choose from. Morning yoga, a lecture. about something trending, whether it's politics or something else going on. Good, energized conversation over breakfast with residents that are similar to yourself, that have similar interests. You may then take in an afternoon movie, take in a trip to a museum. In our Manhattan properties, residents are going to the theater, going to the theater in Westchester as well, taking an art class. doing some gardening, playing canasta, mahjong, all things that are important in brain cognition and connecting. And the fine dining component is also just dining with someone and not by yourself, having some meaningful conversations, enjoying good food.

SPEAKER_04 10:08

Not worrying about preparing your own food.

SPEAKER_02 10:11

Absolutely. Preparing your own food, doing your laundry, doing all of your housekeeping, worrying about the maintenance of your home, the lawn, snow removal. You know, many times when residents are moving in, they've been in their homes 50, 60 years, and things are starting to need attention. And that can be overwhelming. I have that similar experience with my own parents. And it's a great time to take a look and say, gee, you know, maybe life could be a little easier. I could engage a little more and not have the weight and worry of maintaining a home. That carefree living is certainly, I think, an attraction to many people that come by to take a tour.

SPEAKER_04 10:55

You know, for those of us that have been lucky enough to go to college or even go on a cruise, it sounds like enjoying the college experience of all these activities without worrying about the studying.

SPEAKER_01 11:08

That's a good way to put it. That is an interesting way to put it.

SPEAKER_04 11:12

You've got all the clubs you can join or conversations you can get involved with or trips you can go on. So it sounds like there's culture, there's community. And why don't you just explain before we take our commercial break what the environment of the apartment looks like?

SPEAKER_02 11:29

Absolutely. I mean, there's a whole range of options from studios, one bedroom, two bedroom apartments. And what you'll notice when you're looking at a Bristol is the expanse of common spaces. So that if you're entertaining, there's private dining rooms. If you're someone that loves to entertain for dinner and have your friends over, family, you have that opportunity to do it in the private dining rooms. There's outdoor terraces, gardens. bocce courts, outdoor pools. It is very hotel-like with a lot of amenities to keep you engaged.

SPEAKER_04 12:07

Outstanding. So obviously, we all have to pay to go on vacation. How does it work with the Bristol?

SPEAKER_02 12:17

With assisted living, yes. You can utilize long-term care insurance policies to pay for assisted living and memory care. And you can private pay. We do have communities that recognize a Medicaid spend down as well. That information across all of our communities is available on their websites where you can see the starting prices and what's available as far as Medicaid communities are concerned.

SPEAKER_04 12:47

Why don't you give the audience the website?

SPEAKER_02 12:49

www.thebristol.com.

SPEAKER_04 12:53

And spell the Bristol for them.

SPEAKER_02 12:55

B as in boy, R-I-S-T-A-L.

SPEAKER_04 12:59

Excellent. And Sloan, if anyone has questions, wants to learn more about the Bristol, maybe dive deeper into what you're discussing, who should they call or email? What's their next step?

SPEAKER_02 13:12

Tony Thorne in this area is our Director of Business Development. Her email is tthorne, T-H-O-R-N-E, at thebristol.com.

SPEAKER_04 13:24

Outstanding. And as a matter of fact, after our commercial break, we're going to have Toni on the show. She gets to hear from Toni directly on some of the experiences that she has to maybe help you start the dialogue with your loved one or even yourself as to... is the Bristol Linux right choice for you. If you missed any part of this broadcast, just log on to our website at eldercareontheair.com. That's eldercareontheair.com. And I'll be back in a few moments.

SPEAKER_00 13:54

Amoruso and Amoruso LLP advises clients on how to obtain public benefits, including Medicaid, and more importantly, how to protect and preserve their assets, whether they be modest or significant. Find Amoruso and Amoruso online at eldercareontheair.com. Amoruso and Amoruso.

SPEAKER_05 14:11

Welcome

SPEAKER_04 14:24

back to Eldercare in the Air. I'm Michael Amoruso. And again, I'm so happy that you've joined me this early Sunday morning. You know, today we're talking about that transition, that transition from maybe that home of 40, 50, 60 years to something else. And that's something else, maybe a wonderful community called Assisted Living. And we're thrilled to have here today the Bristol Assisted Living to talk about what it's like in their environments and how that can possibly benefit all of you or be attractive to you. If you've missed any part of this episode, just log on to our website after this broadcast at eldercareontheair.com. That's eldercareontheair.com, and you'll see the Bristol show there. Just download it and listen to it over and over again, and really get to learn what we're talking about and what this experience of being at the Bristol could be like. Now, as right before our commercial break, we were talking with Sloan, and Sloan introduced Tony Thorne. Now, Tony is here to really talk to you all about how to start that dialogue. whether it be with yourself or with a loved one, who you think maybe this next stage or opportunity in their life could be something worthwhile to take a look at. Now, Toni, you are the Director of Business Development, right, at the Bristol Assisted Living, and I just want to welcome you to our show. Thanks for taking the time to come here.

SPEAKER_03 15:58

Well, thank you. Thank you for having us. We really appreciate it.

SPEAKER_04 16:02

Absolutely. Now, throughout the year, there are times, certain times where we probably get together with our loved ones, whether they be through one of the many holidays that we experience throughout the year or whether it's a weekly visit or a monthly visit. What are some of the things that you suggest that a loved one takes notice of?

SPEAKER_03 16:25

So there's lots of opportunities to look for clues or something that there's a change in the environment that's going on. Little subtle hints that maybe we need to look a little bit deeper. Are mom or dad's medication stacking up? Are we noticing mail laying around that's unopened? Is their hygiene suffering some? A little bit of confusion or... abnormal behaviors, different things like that to really kind of key in on that there may be something, a change going on with them.

SPEAKER_04 17:00

And if they notice a change going on, any thoughts on maybe how a dialogue can be started with somebody to maybe embrace a new future?

SPEAKER_03 17:12

So, you know, I think that an open dialogue is an important one and an ongoing conversation with empathy that will empower your loved one to still be in charge of making their own decisions and, you know, giving them something to look forward to. So definitely a positive outlook and being informed. They're all key in really embracing this new outlook on life.

SPEAKER_04 17:37

And I'm sure it could be a tough conversation. right you know this person may have been living there they may have just lost a spouse and or they've been living alone in this environment which they call home any tips on maybe how to empower the loved ones to invite that word home to mean something else to that individual

SPEAKER_03 18:05

So home is not four walls. Home is where your heart is. And I think it's also living with anticipation and looking forward to something. So when making this decision and looking forward into what's to come on this next chapter of your life, talking about things like friendship and what was meaningful in previous chapters, incorporating that into the upcoming days and new friendships, new bonds, extending that family out to caregivers and support systems that this community lifestyle offers for these individuals.

SPEAKER_04 18:49

And is there a stigma that you often have to overcome? When you notice this dialogue is beginning out there with a family or an individual. And how do you help them overcome that stigma?

SPEAKER_03 19:04

I don't know if it's necessarily a stigma, but maybe a feeling of abandonment or for children. It's this guilt that they can't provide the care that they'd like to. You know, when we're overcoming that and we're talking through those things, you know, the one thing that Bristol does is they meet people where they are and help them and bring that quality of life back. You know, it's not the end. That's a big stigma that this is the end and we're giving up so much. But I think changing that outlook and looking at what we're going to gain from this is so much more and adding value and quality and vigor back into our lives.

SPEAKER_04 19:46

So basically you're helping enhance that family dynamic that was there.

SPEAKER_03 19:51

Absolutely. You know, taking away that burden or guilt of being a caregiver and allowing people to be children again, you know, and be that daughter or that son and have that mom or dad and really enjoy their time together instead of feeling all these negative emotions that come through caregiving and all this responsibility. These burdens are lifted.

SPEAKER_04 20:17

Any thoughts? You mentioned that a loved one may feel guilty or shameful that they're even starting this dialogue with somebody. Any sort of suggestions for them to find openings to begin this discussion?

SPEAKER_03 20:34

I think, you know, paying attention to those observations we mentioned earlier, looking for those clues and cues and talking with your loved one empathetically, you know, perhaps saying, you know, mom, I noticed you haven't opened any of these bills in the last couple of months. What is going on? Do you need my help? You know, instead of guilting or making them feel shameful for not doing it, asking them how you can help and empowering them to ask for the help that they need to navigate these difficult circumstances. Yeah, and

SPEAKER_04 21:07

I guess also if that child is hearing, and I use the term child loosely because a child could be 70 years old that I'm talking about, right? So I guess as you're talking with your loved one, if they're hearing more need for help or assistance or, you know, can you get me that over there or can you open up? It's a whole stack of mail that I haven't had a chance to look at yet. And the child notices that, well, it's not just a stack of mail. It could be a whole basket full of mail that hasn't been opened yet. Now, that's also not the time to get upset or annoyed and say, why haven't you opened this? That's the time to say, all right, let's roll up our sleeves. And as you're doing it, that may be an opportunity to start saying, wow, there's so much going on in this household. We have so many memories. Boy, life could be a lot easier. You could just enjoy things more without having to worry about this stuff. When someone comes to Bristol to see you for the first time, what do you notice?

SPEAKER_03 22:16

Well, I mean, it depends on the individual and where they're at in their journey or being open to it and things like that. But a lot of times I see people You know, maybe initially there's some fear coming along with it. But, you know, as they tour the community and they meet people that live there, they recognize that there's this freedom that comes with letting go of some of these burdens and responsibilities that are weighing them down at home. You know, they see that it can be fun and uplifting and the communities are very lively with different programming that is individualized to each person, you know, and there's a strong sense of community. And I think as the visit progresses and they get to meet more people, maybe some familiar faces, their neighbors, their friends, you know, they start to relax, they become more, you know, relieved and, and actually excited, right? So there's this excitement that comes after this visit, where there's something to look forward to. And it's like a weight has been lifted off of their shoulders, and it they're not helpless or hopeless. There is our options to enhance their days and make their life meaningful again.

SPEAKER_04 23:45

For those individuals that may be on the fence as to whether they want to take this next step in the journey of their life, is there an opportunity to sort of try before you decide?

SPEAKER_03 23:55

Sure. So there's definitely short-term stays and respite stays where the community has made it so simple. They just need to bring their suitcase. Just bring your clothes. You come. It's like a vacation to try it out and see if you really like it. And nine times out of ten, people really love it. And it's for them and they never leave. So, you know, I would recommend that if there's a little apprehension on trying this. It is a huge decision to make.

SPEAKER_04 24:27

Now, Tony, you've been in the industry for many years. In your opinion, how does the Bristol do it differently than others that you know out there?

SPEAKER_03 24:35

So the Bristol really... embraces the individual as a person and as a whole. They're trying to add in and not take away from who you are, your independence, your likes, your dislikes. The communities are like a resort. They have so many different amenities. They have trips that go out to all different places, museums, lectures. They're also part of a bigger community. embracing community service projects, giving back. It's just a whole different approach than other assisted livings in the industry.

SPEAKER_04 25:13

Excellent. Now, Tony, how can they get in touch with you or the appropriate person there at the Bristol?

SPEAKER_03 25:19

So obviously, you can always log on to the website, www.thebristol.com. And that's B-R-I-S-T-A-L.com. Or you can email me direct at tthorne, T-H-O-R-N-E, at the Bristol, B-R-I-S-T-A-L.com.

SPEAKER_04 25:44

Well, Toni, thank you so much for coming on our show. Please thank Sloan for me as well. It's been a true pleasure to get to know what your communities are like. And I'm sure our audience will be reaching out to you.

SPEAKER_03 25:57

Thank you. Experience us some

SPEAKER_04 25:59

more. Thank you. And for those of you that may be starting that change in your life where you're a little apprehensive of what the next step would be, maybe that house is just starting to get away from you a little bit. You know, a place like the Bristol is not a bad place to go see. Check it out. See if that community is what you're missing in your life, what you're willing to embrace for the next stage of your life. And I'm sure, just as you may have told your own kids when they went off to college, you're going to meet new people, have new experiences, and your life will be further enriched. I look forward to speaking to you all next week. Thank you for joining us. Be safe

SPEAKER_05 26:38

and be well. Take care.

SPEAKER_00 26:48

Amoruso and Amoruso LLP and Rye assists clients with comprehensive estate planning and vital asset preservation tools that reduce financial risks of long-term care. Amoruso and Amoruso, a 107.1 The Peak Ask the Expert partner. Visit eldercareontheair.com for more details.

SPEAKER_05 27:09

Amoruso and Amoruso Empowering you to care for the ones you love